Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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