I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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