my text book just quoted the cookie monster
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
