then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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