im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
