so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize