I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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