Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
