I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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