you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
