If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
