good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
