Someone shit on the floor
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
