Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He kissed a someone with a penis
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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