i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
