dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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