i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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