I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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