i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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