The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
