I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
