There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
