is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
