what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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