My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
