They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
