Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
