I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
