she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
