walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
