By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize