Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
