just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
