im about as happy as oj after his trial
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize