JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he thought i was a dude.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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