I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
