I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it's like iHOP with fire
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
