I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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