So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
