i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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