Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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