wakey wakey hands off snakey
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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