My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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