i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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