Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
