he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
