walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
