I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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