Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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