My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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