Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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