Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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