So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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