Me. At least after what I've been through.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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