I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
