I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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