I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
