i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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