I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
