That's when you crack a 10am beer
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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