none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
