Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
