Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
