you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
