i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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