I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
