I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize