Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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