My room smells like vodka and shame
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
