One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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