Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
