For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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