maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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