last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
