It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
