Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
