So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
