dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
