I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
