So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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